Young Love, True Love

I have been closely looking at psychological principles that may appear vague and esoteric when considered in adult terms. Grown – ups have a way of hiding their feelings, even from themselves. Perhaps these concepts are more evident in the transparency of the very young. If you do remember dating any one at certain point, you will realize that the task of attracting a prize catch required a certain reserve – an appearance of indifference and poise. Those of our peers who knew how to be coy – how to flirt without appearing to need the one they desired. And conversely, those who were eternally being dumped were the desperate young men and women who inevitably became possessive and demanding – telephoning six times in a row and always stalking to spy on the lover, then complaining bitterly the next day about who the lover was with the night before. That was always the beginning of the end. Today’s teenagers use different languages to describe romances and with the new age of technology social networks are taking on the very form of an “ideal romance”, but the rules of the game have not changed. Lovers’ quarrels typically involve one “clinging tick” that is being axed and a mahogany tree that stands confidently above the fray. But who are those lady –killers and heart breakers who seem so independent and secure? Do they get satisfaction in shedding their former boyfriends and girlfriends? Most do not. They are merely self centered individuals who love to pursue but hate to be caught. They throw themselves into chase with abandon as long as the affair is new and challenging. But their interests melt like ice cream on a hot day the moment they achieve their goal and capture the prize. Suddenly, the tables are turned. They are needed – possessed depended upon. Demands are made on them for loyalty and service and commitment. Thenceforth, their only passion is for escape and freedom Teenage romance is normally humorous to adults because its passions are so raw and undisguised. There is little doubt that teenage romance is typically selfish and introspective; it blanches and buckles when asked to sacrifice or contribute or give. The most intense spasms of desire are felt by those who pursue sex objects that appear unreachable and unattainable. Adult romantic relationships continue to bear many of the characteristics of adolescent sexuality. We differ from the young only in degree, and will always reflect the rudiments of earlier sexual attitudes and values. Thus grownups still love the thrill of the chase, the lure of the unattainable, the excitement of new and feel bore dome with the old. Some men love women in proportion to their strangeness to them. Even when infidelity and abandonment are never a threat to the relationship, the pleading by one partner for affection and attention of the other serves as a short circuit to the electrical attraction between them. Once the process begins that says “I own you”, the game is over. Human freedom is priceless and we react decisively against those who would restrict it or take from us. Not even a lover can deprive us of that God given freedom unless we surrender it voluntarily.